Assasins, Ridderaks, Wyrdmarks- Oh My!

Assassins- how I love you so! I’ve always seen them as the ultimate baddasses, with their assassin-ery… and their cutting and poisoning…and assassin stuffs… OH COME ON, CUT ME SOME SLACK, IT’S BEEN 3 YEARS IN THE MAKING!

If you’re going into this thinking you’re going to find your typical story about a cruel, unforgiving, cold hearted assassin- think again.

If you think this is some run-of-the-mill fantasy- think again.

If you want a seemingly normal series but just love it when the author plays with your emotions and sends you down a spiraling abyss of shock,confusion, anger, hatred, love, laughter,etc.- you’ve found the perfect match for you!

This book surpassed my expectations and it has quickly become one of my favorite books. I’m talking about Throne of Glass by Sarah J Maas.Image result for throne of glass

Where do I even begin? I seriously can’t find the words to explain my feels for this book. I’ve been meaning to write this review for THREE WHOLE YEARS!!! But every time I try to write up a whole big fancy review, my mind goes blank and I end up reading the whole book all over again, which I really don’t mind. To be honest with you, there’s some part of me wishing to slap 5 stars on this review and walk away.

If you didn’t know, this book centers on our protagonist Celaena Sardothien- notorious assassin and current prisoner at the salt mines of Endovier. Her temper and sassy personality shine from the first few pages and really stick with her throughout the series. Long story short, she meets Dorian, the prince of Adarlan, and his biffle and captain of the guard, Chaol, and a deal is made between the two- her freedom in exchange for three years of servitude if she wins the competition. Our cold hearted codpiece of a king thought it would be fun to choose his kingdom’s assassin in a tournament, pitting the nastiest criminals the wealthy noblemen could find against each other. Like a cockfight. This is all a literal cockfight. I’m done, review over, bed now.

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BUT ALAS TROUBLEARRIVES! ALERT THE POLICE, BECAUSE THINGS ARE ABOUT TO GET DIRTY HERE!

If you get the gist of it, she has to participate, win, yaddah, yaddah, yaddah- whatever, you’ll get to read the rest of it and you’ll know what happens. I kinda don’t feel like going through the whole book. Knowing myself, I’ll probably have another brain fart and it’ll take me another 3 years. Now, onto the semi-spoilers and semi-bashing!

Wow. Lots of semis here. I’m just gonna put this over here…

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(If you do want to read this book and you don’t want to experience the cruelty of spoilers, dial 3 and press pound for a spoiler free review-coming soon!)

Celaena is seriously amazing. Now, a lot of people bash her for not being a cruel assassin. ‘Oh she’s too girly and infatuated with arbitrary things like books and dresses’- cut her some slack guys! I do get why people are upset at this, and I have to admit, I was too. But one has to look at the complete situation. She wasn’t raised as an assassin, she was trained to be one. Arobynn found her half dead when she was around 8 years old. She was accustomed to a way of living at that point and even when she was training under Arobynn, she was exposed to all that. But where she is ‘incompetent’, she makes up for it in her personality. She is oh so arrogant, inquisitive, strong willed, stubborn, and just plain funny. I love her banter with her two love interests but I hate the fact that we readers are tortured with yet another dramatic love triangle. Her friendship with Nehemia is so empowering because these girls can get shit done. Even though sometimes they can be mad sus for noooo reason. I could talk for days about this girl but we gotta move on!

Dorian and Chaol… why Sarah J Maas, why must you torture us with these boys Sarah?!! The whole entire time, I just felt like smashing their heads together and calling it a day. I seriously couldn’t choose which team to root for. For one, Chaol and Celaena are so cute together- the way they train, how they act around each other, the ring! But I love her and Dorian, and some part of me thinks I shipped them at first but at this point, my memory serves me better as a jar because its so empty…

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I KNOW I’M NOT FUNNY, I’M SORRY! I JUST CAN’T RESIST THESE BAD JOKES!

As characters, Dorian and Chaol are nice to have around, but imo they were distractions to what was really going on with all the Wyrdmarks and dead people (and fantastic beasts and caves under the castle where you can find them and this is quickly becoming a run-on sentence and I don’t know where I’m going with this…) They do play important roles, I’m not denying that, but they served more as frustrating adorable beings that caused me pain and grief later on. You’ll get it if you’re up to Heir of Fire.

Overall, this book is really worth it. This series is worth it. Even if you have mixed feelings about the first book, read the next one. Trust me, it’s worth it. I rarely invest all my life savings into a series (jk, jk I’m always spending money on books) but this one takes the chocolate cake.

I give it four and a half slices of chocolate cake (comment ‘flaming unicorns’ if you understand why)

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